August 29, 2011

SEADAY enroute to ST THOMAS

Payday. It has taken several months, but I finally have some money saved up that I can send home with Ralph when he comes to see me this weekend. At this rate it will take two more months or so to pay off all the bills. I know I shouldn’t complain since my bills in comparison to others are very small. I should be able to walk away from here with a couple grand in hand.

Last night I ended on the Rising Tide and was finished by 11PM. An early night. So, I went to On Air to see what the karaoke was looking like. I had debated whether or not to trade with Gyselle so I could host karaoke, but decided to just drop in and see how the singers were. Oh my. I’m glad I didn’t host it. It was an interesting group, to say the least. And the least said the better, in this case.

Yesterday we had the Win a Suite Bingo, which we had never offered before while I have been on ship. I talked it up on the Gangway as people were returning, and my efforts paid off. We had a very full session and I have a feeling it has generated a lot of interest in the game for this cruise. As a matter of fact the winner was a family that I had encouraged to come to Bingo while I was on the Gangway. They had walked by with expressions of great disinterest as I was doing my Bingo spiel, and I had work to do to get them interested enough to say they would show up. I had great pleasure, when they won the Suite in saying “See, I told you so!”

I went out on a limb. When I was laughing with them about their first reactions to my Bingo advertising the man said, “I had my doubts, you’re right. I mean, I figured it was a really ‘gay’ thing to do, playing Bingo.” I was somewhat taken aback at the use of gay as a negative adjective. “Well, now you see that all things ‘gay’ are not bad!” was all I said in return, and changed the topic.

Today is my friend Mary’s birthday. She was my last girlfriend and was a fellow Marine while I was based in Camp Pendleton. It is hard to believe that it was almost 20 years ago. What is also hard to believe is how little I feel I have accomplished in 20 years. I know there are people that would debate that with me, but I sometimes wonder what my life would have been had I gone officer out of college instead of enlisted. I really think that that was the turn in the path that dictated the careers I have had in the last two decades. Most people would be looking back on a career that resembled a ladder whose rungs lead in one direction. I have had a whole lot of step stools, a wide variety of them. I’m getting tired of changing ladders, but I just haven’t found the right one. I wonder if I will ever.

There has to be a purpose to it all…I just can’t figure it out. What happened? It’s been an interesting life, and I am starting to see that. I have been a Marine, a Trust Accountant, a Tech for a cutting edge Broadband telecommunications company, actor, singer, playwright, cabaret producer, website and graphic designer, Code Enforcement officer, Non-profit arts admin for everything from Seattle Opera to Council of the Arts, lived in many states of the U.S., and now am working on the largest cruise ship in the world as Cruise Director’s Staff. I have been highly paid and poorly paid, have been treated well and treated not so well, owned my own condo and sold it, been partnered with both women and men, and all the above have made me who I am. But who am I? I’m beginning to feel a bit tired of it all and would be happy to settle into one career.

My roommate, Hudson, the other day said something about how working Sports Staff is a natural career step for him. I envied him that he has known what he wanted to do and has been following a plan. It must be nice to be following a plan like that. Is it really that rare, or difficult to do? These past 20 years went by very quickly, and there is no reason to suspect that the next 20 will not do the same…Will I be 60 and still wandering around like this? It’s beginning to be a little frightening.

7:25 PM

Small hiccup….Susan just found out that they have NOT replaced her yet, so she is NOT going on Saturday as they told her two weeks ago. She is devastated. She has not been home in a year and now they have no return date for her, but they have the date she must report to her new ship as Activities Manager. This of course means that I have no date to take over as Bingo Host. That is all right for me…it provides two more weeks, at least, of training.