August 18, 2011

SEADAY enroute to FTL

There is an interesting moment in a growth cycle where you now know the patterns and feel of a situation and therefore have time to actually think about actions and results. While not being a savant of ship life, I can now see into the corners and realize where expectations and fact do not necessarily meet up. For instance, you have a seven month contract, then you get 2-3 months off. Are you paid? How do you live for three months in the US on the amount you get paid? Truth is, you can’t. You are going to have to get a job…but what job is going to hire you for only three months? Not a job that is going to invest a lot of money in you, that is for sure. RCI pays about $100-200 a month as a vacation bonus, so after your seven months you conceivably would receive anywhere between $600-900 for your three months of vacation. That’s not going to go far. A lot of the other departments, such as food service, even the sports staff, get paid commissions and tips that add up to a lot of money. We don’t. It is not unheard of for a sports staff person teaching Flowrider lessons to stash away up to $6-7k on their contract. Cruise Staff, for some odd reason, is one of the lowest paid crew members. It seems odd since we are the ones who are doing all the work and interacting with the guests constantly as hosts or entertainers. Performers actually do very well. Had I auditioned I would be being paid anywhere to 2-3 times what I am making now. It’s unusual to see an actor/singer get paid more than someone else, but there you are. They also get rooms with portholes…the sheer luxury of that staggers me at this point. I would be happy with just having a single room…

So there is a very interesting question coming up to my half way point in my contract. Do I stay, or do I go? I don’t feel I can financially afford to stay as a Cruise Staffer. The hours worked for the money earned puts me somewhere under a fast food restaurant employee. I keep hearing that we have all these amenities we can use, but if you don’t have time to use them, what’s the point? I will be able to leave here, MAYBE, with 2k saved, plus the $700 will leave $2,700 for three months. I used to earn more than that in a month just a couple years ago.

The whole reason I embarked upon this Odyssey, for lack of a better word, was to find a job that would pay enough to save some and send money home to Ralph, to ease our financial situation. I knew that the pay would not be great to start, I just had no idea the number of hours that would be called upon to earn it. Am I having fun? Mostly, yes. But fun does not pay bills or provide a living. I have seen my income dwindle more and more over the years, when it should, by rights, be going the opposite direction. This has been a bitter pill to swallow, and I have agonized endless hours over why and how this has come about. I’m talented, intelligent with a WIDE range of experience in an even wider array of disciplines. I am organized, can communicate well, am efficient and able to work inside or outside of any box you put me in. I should be cruising along that this age, looking back on accomplishments and looking forward to something other than a bleak, empty financial future.

Then I realize…I have never had faith in myself. I have had dreams, and have even started on correct paths, but somewhere along the line something happens and I lose faith in my abilities. This has been a constant since I was in school. I could have gone officer with my college degree…instead I went enlisted. From that moment my life changed. If I had it all to do over again, I would actually change that moment. It would mean my whole would be different, but I am certain that it would have been more financially sound. I believed that small voice that said I was not worthy of anything better, and have kept believing it all these years.

It has been incredibly stressful these last few years wanting to do right by my family and myself, and earn the kind of money that would enable Ralph to not work so hard, or so much. To see his health and strength wasting away in frustration and hard work, after he has worked so hard for so many years, has been depressing and has hurt my self-esteem immensely. I have felt so much guilt over the fact that every idea I had, every move I made to bring money in, has failed. The business that I worked in immediately before I came to RCI was crushed me when they fired me. The night before Ralph and I had had a heated discussion about finances, and I told him to have faith that things would work out…and 12 hours later I come home to tell him I was fired. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do…just going home to face him.

My mantra has always been everything happens for a reason, and that may be true, but everything happens because of patterns as well. The pattern was set, and I had to leave in order to break the pattern…or so I thought.

I called Ralph again last night, and we revisited the same conversation. Once again, I find myself in a situation where, with the best of intent and with cautious expectations of being recognized for doing a job well, I am earning even less than before. I have said many times that this job is perfect for those in their 20’s who do not have bills, families, etc. I stand by that. But there is no way to support an American family on this pay. So, after going around with Ralph on the phone about one more job gone awry I was in a state of severe depression and started making lists of things I could do to make money. I am going to have to face it that after this contract, while on vacation I will have to get a job.

Last night I decided that if, by the end of this contract there is not something substantial, like an immediate promotion to Activities Manager, I just will not be able to afford to stay on another 7 month contract as Cruise Staff. I will just have to take what I have learned, and leverage what I can from the experiences I have had in the Cruise industry. I have seriously thought about auditioning, and several actors have encouraged me to do so. It is MUCH more money and it is something that I am good at and love. The being apart will not be nearly as bad after we have gone through this 7 month separation.

Having made that decision, I went to bed. This morning I woke up, went to the office and saw Amy. I asked her, still dwelling on my thoughts of the previous evening, what she thought my chances of moving up were. She told me to stand by, that Susan was coming in the office and she wanted to share something with the two of us. Susan came in, and was told that she was being promoted to Activities Manager in two weeks, and would be leaving to work on another ship. I forget which one. Amy then turned to me and said that she was promoting me to Bingo Host, which is the first step to Activities Manager, and she wanted me to train with Susan on the computer and business aspects of this position. Well, this is big. It is also a step in the right direction.

After we had congratulated a VERY happy Susan, she left and Amy and I continued to talk. She told me that Richard and she talk about me frequently, and with other people as well. Richard has already told people he wants to “Fast Track” me, and wants me to be with him on my next contract as AM on the Explorer. Amy said no, she didn’t want to lose me yet, especially since she is going to be Cruise Director, and I have a feeling she might want me as HER Activities Manager. However it pans out, this seems to be a very promising line of possibility. I have learned to be cautious and not expect too much, but I think optimism is possible here.

Feeling very happy about this I went through the day. Amy saw me later on in the halls and she said to look in my mail box in the office. When I finally had a chance to do so she was sitting there at her desk. I looked in the box and pulled out an envelope. It turns out I have been recommended for Employee of the Month! 2,100 crew members, and I have been nominated in my first two months. It is just a nomination, but the right up was excellent and I was very moved.

Later this evening there was a situation I was involved in. I was working doors for the Comedy Club, which is very stressful as there are always more people who want in than can actually get in, and there is always someone who arrives after the doors are closed. Once that happens you cannot enter from the outside, though you can leave the club. Four people had had reservations, and were very upset that they could no longer get in. I had to calmly explain to them the 10 minute policy, and I was able to talk them down and recommend another show they could attend. They actually left smiling. I turned around and Amy was there. Apparently she had been watching. I understand people’s frustration, and I like to alleviate it anytime that I am able. I am a believer in the words of my Grandmother, “treat everyone as you would wish to be treated”, and that works every time. It is moments like that that underline for me the fact that working with people is my forte, and I have a gift there. Apparently people here think I have the gift as well. I am learning to have faith in myself, which is perhaps the lesson that is meant to be learned here on this ship. I know I am good, but knowing is different than believing…that is a lesson I am learning every day…

By the way….Bingo Host comes with the privilege of a single room!!!! Woohoo!!
Time for bed, and an early start with an All Access Tour…